Why Nobody Wants to be a “Good Person”
Question Yourself
Question ol sport: what positive things comes to mind when you think of a good person? Possibly loving, kind, caring, sharing, forgiving, helpful, mild tempered and more. Now ol sport, think about the negative things that come to mind when you think of a good person? Maybe a goodie-to-shoe. A wimp, a nerd, a push over, someone who gets stepped on, someone who doesn’t get what they want, someone who loses in life, someone bound by rules, regulations and restrictions of morality. Possibly a defenseless twat who sub comes under pressure and folds to the authority of others.
Now how does that make you feel? At our basic level of consciousness, humans (male & female) are hardwired to react emotionally and avoid pain. Children operate at a basic level of consciousness, why? Because their brains and minds are still developing; their sense of me, I, self and they, are forming. As children, we are discovering our place in the world. Emotionally speaking, the negative consequences of being a good person far out way the good, and as children, we are forced to choose: be powerful and bad or powerless and good.
The Associations of “Good”
We learn through association, compare & contrast and practical examples. As a child, we associate (pair) definitions together to form a picture of the world and OURSELVES IN IT. Now let’s go back to childhood. Let’s watch it like a movie and we’ll begin to realize something. Being a “good person” has allot of negative associations!
For a moment, go back to childhood ol sport. Remember, we’ve watched the good kid get beat, the kind girl get her candy stolen, the quiet kid get bullied, the smart person get emotionally destroyed and the weak get taken advantage of.
As our childlike mind begins to form, we are bombarded by images of thugs, bad boys, men of power, assassins, war hero’s and parental figures who: take what they want, don’t care about others, are often emotionally unresponsive and cause much chaos destruction and “bad”. Guess what the association is? These “bad” people get what they want: be it riches, power, fame, women, sex, respect, admiration etc.
And something interesting happens ol sport, we watch the superhero’s, with extraordinary power who could easily destroy their enemies get beat to a pulp and thrown across the screen. These super beings are “good” and in that “goodness”, they are limited, restricted and bound by a code. We watch the villains do what they want, be who they want and live as they choose; while the “good” guy suffers for a cause.
As a child we are often told we are “good” when we do something acceptable and something is “bad” when something is unacceptable. Oftentimes we had no idea why something was bad, we just knew an undesirable reaction occurred, preventing us from acting. Think deeply ol sport, usually, that “bad” thing was just something you wanted to do (regardless of it being harmful or not). Herein lies the basic CHILDLIKE association.
Good= conformity & powerlessness
Bad= freedom & power
Reinforcers of “Good”
Notice ol sport, the person(s) forming and molding your reality of good and bad are external. These adults, movies, music and experiences are all outside of you and that is where the focus of the good person is channeled. You see, the definition of the good person is secretly linked to conformity: you achieve so others can be proud of you, you listen because it makes others happy, you give because the other is pleased and you obey because you are “good”.
The definition of good is beaten into your head and is solidified and reinforced by others rewarding you with positive reinforcement for your “good” behavior.
This link and association solidifies with an unintended condition: you became good because you conformed, and to maintain the ideal identity and image of good, you must continue to conform. This unintended condition has unintended consequences upon our psyche.
Mentally we become trapped in the identity of good! We identify with being “good” so much, we don’t rock the boat, we put others needs in front of our own, we give in extremes, try to save others, and neglect ourselves: continuously and secretly looking for the thank you, the good job and external validation that reinforces our identity as “good”. Typically, the “good” person’s needs aren’t met because fear prevents them from stepping outside the good role: their sexual desires and emotions aren’t acted upon because people will say “I didn’t expect that from somebody like you or I expected better”! These simple statements threaten the identity of “Good” and oftentimes the good person resolves themselves to being asexual, powerless and inexpressive.
This perceived inability to be heard, seen, or acknowledged outside of that definition summons massive anger: either outwardly or inwardly. Often, the good person will explode upon themselves: imploding and punishing themselves for being who they are: or at least who they think they are.
The Bondage Loop of Duality
In retrospect, it is easy to see why one would not choose to identify with a good person: it is damning, limiting, frustrating and is associated with a state of powerlessness. Of course, there is the flip side of being good: shall we ol sport, focus on the countless millions if not billions of children who get the wrong message and are limited by this perspective!
In the mind of a child, being a good person has been reduced to being a bullet sponge who bares the responsibility of others and is restricted in thought, emotion and action. Often the child feels so limited and restricted they have to flip the script and totally rebel or shut down to escape the identity of “Good”!
Examining the image of “BAD”
The bad guys & bad boys are free! They do as they please, act as they please and answer to themselves! We are shown and led to believe: bad= sovereign! Let’s fast forward throughout life, and let’s think about all the references in movies, music, entertainment, school, politics and childhood experiences that VALIDATED this association? Allot ol sport, allot! Bad is painted to be happy, in control, driven, purposeful and garners a sense of desire and acceptance by others. It seems this bad person has accepted themselves and lives life as such. Bad people aren’t afraid of karma and does unto others as he chooses. To the bad boy, life is just one big game and he plays to win! Bad is depicted as the thing to be!
So the association is:
Bad= power, authority, sex, money, acceptance, desire, fame, purpose, desire & freedom.
The Gender Bias
Unfortunately, associations are set up concerning the genders. Because we live in a white male dominated society the associations are as follows:
Male= powerful
Female= Powerless
This UNTRUE association is reinforced through every medium outlet possible including trauma and life experiences.
We find the concept of powerlessness and femininity closely linked and masculinity to power.
However, it is a fact that males do feel “weak”: these men are perceived as less manly and to escape this definition they must do and act as “bad boys” act. (Cursing, heighten sexual activity, acting on impulse, disobedience, violence, increased risk taking, etc.)
Females are automatically reduced to a state of powerlessness and are expected to conform. Unless you flip the script and throw in the association of “Bad”. Now females have an alter ego or identity to switch into! In recent times, this is the Bad Bitch persona or the Independent Woman. The ego trap permits females to break out of their former restricted identity: taking on a more “empowering” identity but that within itself is a trap. This definition of “bad” has its own limitations, restrictions, conditions and requirements... which come with unintended consequences.
Finding Power & Freedom in Truth
When we sit down and watch a movie, we notice the never-ending drama of good versus evil. Consciously we root for the underdog because we relate to his pain, we cheer for the tragic hero because we understand her plight, we feel their pain and relate to their story. The superhero represents us: they possess the ability, power, and authority to overcome. We want, crave and desire to overcome, but we have already defined ourselves as “normal”, restricted and “good”.
However, we secretly envy the villain, he is shown to be free, wild, unrestricted, happy, driven and strong!
The truth shall set you free but only if you’ve been enslaved to a lie!
Good and bad are definitions that have been strengthened by society. The truth is, GOOD and BAD mean NOTHING until YOU GIVE IT MEANING!
Freedom is not exclusive to the bad and love, kindness and abundance are limited to the good. These concepts are universal and belong to NO DEFINITION AND NO GENDER!
GOOD & BAD belief systems have restrictions, conditions, rules and patterns attached to them which LIMIT YOUR ABILITY TO CHOOSE HOW YOU WANT TO EXPRESS YOURSELF!
We have all been a child! We have physically matured but the concepts we learned as children live forever more: eternal, still and unmovable in the core of our mind. Lying secretly in the cradle of our consciousness are the beliefs that you ARE THIS OR THAT.
The Truth, you create reality based on what you believe. If you believe it long enough, you will empower it with your thoughts, emotions and actions… then it will manifest in your world.
Our beliefs about ourselves are negative fear based beliefs that use emotional external focus to control our perception. When your afraid of someone else's reaction ol sport, your focused on someone else's emotions that hasn't happened yet. You are projecting negativity into your future and that feels like nervousness. You have to logically breakdown the perspective and then switch it to self-preservation mode. Often times "Good people" hyper-focus on other people's needs and never give to themselves. For so long, the perspective has been focused on others, how they feel, how they might feel , how they might react. How things could play out where you look like the bad guy... The belief of being a good person creates rules in our mind, they define us. As a good person you don't want to be the source of harm for another, you don't want to rock the boat because you secretly don't want to be blamed... others validation of you is how you feed, it's how your survive, it has become your identity. By stepping outside of your prison it cracks the glass of your container… and you don't want to shatter your image of self: the image of the good person. Good people are trapped by rules that say “good people don't break rules, they don't disappoint and you don't want to be guilty of harm. This belief is damaging to your sense of stability and identity. WHY? BECAUSE. The truth IS... Things don't always work out the way you want, and you have options to choose. .. others may not like your options or choices, but they need to be respected. OFTEN TRYING TO BE A "GOOD PERSON" is linked to a childhood memory. Think about a time when you were a child and someone made you feel extremely responsible for someone else. That created a false sense of obligation and responsibility for how others feel and how others perceive you. That's right ol sport, your seeing how the lie began in your life. The truth Your not in control of their mood, reaction, emotions or their perspective. It's not your responsibility. ... and like the wind, weather, seasons, clothes and emotions, they all change. What is really happening is the belief of being a GOOD PERSON is a control program based on blame and guilt which is rooted in fear. When you were a child somewhere, with someone you FELT RESPONSIBLE for their happiness or well being. It felt like: I have to do this to prevent myself from feeling guilty. Or more like, I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Especially with select family members: it's hard NOT FEELING GUILTY ESPECIALLY WHEN THE INTENT IS TO MAKE YOU FEEL.BAD FOR NOT DOING WHAT THEY WANT. It’s The old switch-a-roe: Making you feel emotional when you’re supposed to be logical. And Having you logical when you’re supposed to be emotional. It feels like Good people have to stick to their word all the time. Your high expectations are used against you. You feel trapped by your word and abusers, monsters, and users get used to taking advantage of you… and you get used to people hurting you. All because the CONCEPT of being a good person has been drilled into your mind.
Good people often have triggers that get them to conform automatically. These triggers summon nervousness, self-guilt and frustration.
When asked to do something and your inconvenienced.
When expectations are placed on you.
When you have the chance to say NO.
When you have to reschedule or cancel.
When your late.
When you have to express your opinion
When you disagree
When you change your mind.
When you have to sell something.
Emotionally, mentally physically and verbally abusive users take advantage of those triggers and use them to enslave you. The solution is to start focusing on yourself and get to know who you are and who you want to be! Get to know YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU ARE DIVINE AND YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. Abusers and users will call you stupid, slow, retarded and only good for one thing. But that's their OPINION… Like Les Brown says DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION OF YOU BECOME YOUR REALITY!
You are stupid, slow and retarded Only of you believe it with your emotions, thoughts and actions.
It's time to start loving yourself.
It’s time to break free from your prison, you can do this by realizing you can CHANGE, you can choose to be who you want to be, PERIOD. You’ll need to be flexible in your mind because being rigid is what got you in this mess in the first place.
You’re going to have to refocus your attention on you and be kind to yourself, forgive yourself for believing the lie, allow yourself to let go of the lie and accept the truth:
YOU ARE POWERFUL BEYOND BELIEF, WHAT YOU BELIEVE WILL CREATE YOUR REALITY!
Believe wisely,
Coach Najee
